Mothering Many

Dear kids,
do you see those little black boxes sitting around the house? The ones with the cute little slots designed to accept the hand held telephone receivers? Yeah, well, I didn’t think so. Come here, let me show you something….see? If you put the receivers in these little slots, the telephone batteries will actually charge. If that happens, then when the phone rings, we will actually be able to answer the call and speak to whomever is calling. Wouldn’t that be better than the current system of not being able to find a phone even though we have three? Or finding all three just to have them juice-less?

I thought so!
Love,
Mom

Dear kids,
Today, I set you up a computer area. I hope you like it and enjoy it. At least as much as I am enjoying mine. Try to keep it tidy, at least somewhat. I know there isn’t an Industrial pc over there, but hey, you have a computer and access to a printer. Smile!

Also, quit fighting over it. Take turns and play nice.
Love,
Mom

Dear kids, and especially my teenage girls,
Look, I know you all think you are fat. You aren’t, but I hear you talking and you think you are. In truth, you are beautiful. All of you. Just eat sensibly, spend less time reading diet pill reviews and more time laughing, and you’ll be fine.

Same for acne creams. Don’t worry about them either. You are gorgeous. Really.

I love you,
Mom

Dear Kids,
When you are older and go out looking for work, let me advise you: avoid retail jobs if possible, especially at Christmas time. I should know, because I have such a job, and while the rest of the world is calling it Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and etc, I am calling it the 25 days of retail hell. Thank goodness, there are only 20 of them left, and I will spend the next week NOT dealing with the shopping public. Cause they are getting really nasty out there right about now.

All my words this month, some thirty one thousand nine hundred and seven teen of them so far have gone toward National Novel Writing Month. I don’t know if anyone will ever read my little book, but I am having a real good time writing it! I’m just here to drop a quick link to diet pills and then it’s right back to the book for me. Hopefully, I’ll have something intelligent to say around the first of December, or after fifty thousands NaNoWriMo words, which ever comes first.

All my words this month, some thirty one thousand nine hundred and seven teen of them so far have gone toward National Novel Writing Month. I don’t know if anyone will ever read my little book, but I am having a real good time writing it! I’m just here to drop a quick link to thermogenesis and then it’s right back to the book for me. Hopefully, I’ll have something intelligent to say around the first of December, or after fifty thousands NaNoWriMo words, which ever comes first.

All my words this month, some thirty one thousand nine hundred and seven teen of them so far have gone toward National Novel Writing Month. I don’t know if anyone will ever read my little book, but I am having a real good time writing it! I’m just here to drop a quick link to cheap car insurance and then it’s right back to the book for me. Hopefully, I’ll have something intelligent to say around the first of December, or after fifty thousands NaNoWriMo words, which ever comes first.

Dear Kids,
as you grow older, there is no doubt in my mind that you will begin to acquire stuff. You will get homes and cars and the detritus of life and you will want to insure it. That’s a good and worthy thing.

However, I want to encourage you not to forget the two most important things you own, your health and your life. Medical catastrophe could bankrupt you at any time, and an unexpected death could leave your families financially devastated as well as emotionally bereft. You can get individual life insurance rate quotes by clicking that link. The health insurance will be a little more difficult, and I have no good advice on it until we see how Obama’s plan pans out.

Love,
Mom

Dear kids,
Please take a look at my arms. Do you see all these age spots? Now, do you notice that I don’t have them on my face? That’s because when I go out in the sun, I wear a hat and the bigger the better. I got the age spots because I forgot the sunscreen when I worked in the garden shop last year. Take my advice: use both. Your face will thank you later.

Love,
Mom

Dear children,
I know you love your friends dearly, I really do. But as a newly initiated member of the lice patrol, I am going to ask you not to be putting your heads so close to the heads of your schoolmates. Seriously, act like they were me and public contact was hideously embarrassing or something. I don’t want to be fine combing any more heads with, or without, the help of steiner binoculars.

Love,
Mom