Mothering Many

Dear Kids,
Lay off the chocolate. I know that the mere fact that we have a two pound bag of it up there in the cabinet drives you crazy, but I like chocolate, too. If you eat all of it, I won’t have any, and that will make me angry. Then I shall make you all do lower ab workouts until *I* feel skinny. That’ll teach ya!

Love,
Mom

Dear Kids,
as you know, I have gone back to college. This is the weekend of my first week, and I am swamped with reading. I appreciate that you guys are behind me on this. It really helps a lot. I wanted to share with you one of the most important things I have learned this week: online classes are just as hard as seated classes. Don’t think that earning an online business degree is a cakewalk. YOu still have to read a lot, AND you have to self-motivate.

Love,
Mom

Dear Kids,
I have repaired the power supply inlet on the laptop I let you use. Please be more gentle with it in the future. If you succeed in actually, breaking the darn thing beyond repair, there is no budget for a new Asus for you. And even if there were, I only buy new toys for people who take care of their old ones.

Love,
Mom

Dear Kids,
be careful what you do! Even though baccarat cigars may taste good, they are still cigars. Now, I am not going to tell you not to smoke. That would be silly. I will tell you that cigarettes and cheap cigars make you stinky and a detrimental to your health, but I am not going to deny that tobacco can be very enjoyable. So, when you indulge, if you indulge, let it be just that: an indulgence. A rare treat. Then, buy the very best you can afford, and enjoy it. Non-standard advice from your non-standard mother.

Love,
Mom

Dear kids,
Since the weather here has gone crazy again, with a high of 70 on Saturday, and heavy coats needed today, I thought I would take a moment to remind you that ceiling fans are year-round comfort as far as temperatures go. See that little switch? It changes the direction of the blades, so you can use it to both heat and cool, depending on whether you are pushing or pulling the air. Run the furnace less, and save a few pennies.

Love,
Mom

Written by Sonny Quinn

Everyone I know, knows that I am a shopping fiend. Black Friday is the holiest of holidays for me. The deals, bargains, and frenetic race to find exactly what I want amidst the hoard of similarly excited shoppers are what I live for. Normally, no one I know would try to make me do anything else on my special day until after I returned home and watched my satellite television from directstartv.com a little while. However, this year I could not convince any of my family or girl friends to watch my little girl while I shopped.

My husband and I started dating two years prior and before his latest tour in Afghanistan started we were married. This meant I was going to have to spend my special day with a little girl I loved but could not quite mesh with. She was adorable but I was not her mother according to her. She called me Francine instead of mom.

Well, I would not be denied my shopping rights. I decided to take her with me. During the process of shopping we went through six different department stores and the mall. We were separated a few times but each time we got back together in the end. We also seemed to have discovered a few killer deals between the two of us. Over the course of the day we actually started to bond a bit. As it turned out, daddy’s little princess loved to shop as much as her new mommy did.

Dear kids,
Behold the kitchen. It is clean. At least it was until you made smoothies, peeled oranges and slopped bread crumbs all over the counter. I cleaned that kitchen because I like a clean kitchen. You know, so I can prepare FOOD which you so love to eat. Please do your part by cleaning up the mess you make feeding your own personal binge habits.

Now, then. The kitchen you know and love to hate will soon be changing. Next spring, there will be new countertops, a couple of utility sinks, a big butcher block cutting board in or on the counter, and possibly a couple of adirondack chairs. And definitely new flooring.

And you know what? I’m still going to be angry if I walk into a kitchen I left clean and find it trashed. Again. Just sayin’
Love,
Mom

Dear kids,
I know there are many, many of us here. We have lots of feet, and they are often dirty. In fact, from the looks of the floors, I’d say that most of them are filthy most of the time. Please vacuum. It’s not going to do any good to call a household carpet cleaner austin until we get the sand up.

While I am issuing insane demands, look at the arms of my tan couch. Do you see those huge black spots? Would you please consider washing your hands instead of wiping them on the couch arm? I know it’s handy and all, but really? Really? I’m not sure even upholstery steam cleaners austin could get that clean. It’s probably going to take a nuclear explosion to do the job. Of course, then we won’t need a couch, but don’t confuse me with the details. I’m not interested!

Finally, watch where you are putting your flipping feet, and quit moving my stuff. The picture you almost ruined is irreplaceable. The subject is dead. Hello! Not even photo restoration services austin can fix dead. Don’t make me go postal on you.

Love, kisses, and a kick in the pants,
Mom

Dear kids,
Sometimes, I feel like my uncle. I know you get tired of me harping about insurance, but the fact is we live in a litigious society, so you need to protect yourself. And, also, stuff costs money. Good stuff tends to cost a lot of money, so you need to protect your investments. If you buy a motorhome, get motorhome insurance. When you get a car, get car insurance. Get covered, stay covered, enjoy your goodies.

Love,
Mom

Dear kids,
Be careful what you breathe out there. Stay away from heavy pollution. Stay away from cigarettes. Stay away from asbestos. Yeah, you could spend time and money on a Mesothelioma lawyer, but you could also do your best to avoid the problem in the first place.

And don’t tell me to practice what I preach. I get the big bucks for giving you the advice I’m not taking. Just part of my job here. How do you think I got so smart, anyway?

Love,
Mom