Please for the love of the rest of the family, clean your bathroom. It truly is a beautiful room. You have neutral ceramic tile in there, the nicest of 36″ bathroom vanities, and large toothpaste splattered mirror. Now, it’s true that at this point we can’t see the tile because it is covered in smelly boy laundry. Nor was I able to spot more than three square inches of the vanity because of the scatter of personal care products. I know you can do better. I know you will do better. Rise up, the three of you, and slay the Gross Bathroom Monster. The rest of us are counting on you to capture and destroy that thing before it escapes the bathroom and wrecks the rest of the house!
Turn your music down. I have given you the scientific facts regarding how hearing loss happens. I have told you that you would remember that conversation when you could not hear the laughter of your grandchildren. And yet you do not listen. You wear ear buds, and I can plainly hear your tunes. Maybe you are deaf already! You certainly act like you expect the bids to perform like excellent ibanez amps.
I know you like my toolbox. It’s a handy repository for all the stuff you need to fix your bikes, hang a picture, tighten this, loosen that. Yeah, it’s wonderful. But here’s the thing. It used to be full and now it’s empty, except for on hammer and a few nails and screws in the botoom. So what happened? Where are my tools? Please return my Phillips, my flat-tip, my toggle clamps, and my wrench. Kthanksbye
Please be wise with your money. There are ways to save on almost everything. And I do mean almost everything. Look: discount cigars. See? And while we are discussing being financially astute, let’s talk about saving my money—please close the door after you come through it, so I can better keep the power on for you! Also, turn off the lights and get out of the fridge. Again. We can work together on all this.
I thought you would know this by now, but clearly you do not. When attempting to rest your derriere upon the furniture, one does not need to attack it. The proper method is to walk up to the sofa/couch/chair/bed and *bend at the knee* until one’s weight is transferred from one’s feet to the said desired resting spot. This keeps our cushions and pillows in place, and my voice in the lower register.
Please quit fighting, bickering, smacking and otherwise harassing one another. I’m tired of the sounds of fighting. Please, consider alternatives. You could shop dean markley together and find a way to make beautiful noise together instead of this incessant din of conflict. Really. You are awesomely creative, I can tell by the way you tear each other down. Just find a better focus for that, mmmmmk?
No, I don’t know where the bike pump is. But I do want to take a moment to thank you for helping yourself to my stuff, and then misplacing it or destroying it. Yes, including the three air pumps I have purchased in the last several years. Sigh.
I love you. I love you more when all my stuff is in my room and I lock the door.
Dear little children,
It is December. You need to wear shoes when you go outside. You should also wear socks. Perhaps if you put them in the actual laundry, I will wash some for you. But I am not going to go searching for them. I have socks. Drawers full of socks. No, you can’t borrow any, they are mine.
Also, wear a jacket before the neighbors call CPS and I have to start explaining the Law of Natural Consequences. And, please, for the love of all that is seemly, wear pants. Try these Riding Jeans.
Man, I haven’t been here in so that chrome didn’t even fill in the address for me when I started typing it in. Oops. This semester has me crazy. Nineteen hours was most likely too many. I can’t remember the last time I read an actual book, or wrote anything for public consumption. I miss it. But this semester is winding down, and I plan to get back to my non-scholastic passions soon. And maybe some equestrian apparel, because I need more hobbies to neglect while school is in!
Summer time, and the living is easy. It’s also fresh, which is great for you guys, because it is also a proven fact that mom is feeling fat. This last could be construed as bad news except that I know how much you love fresh veggies. Oh wait, that’s me. You guys like fresh FRUIT. And berries. Yumm, me too. And because we love berries, I am going to suggest you goto Shari’s Berries website and let me know if you find anything interesting. I did!